My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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