Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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