You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize