She's JV to your varsity
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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