Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
