Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
