I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I FOUND THE LEGS
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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