i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize