i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You're like the curious george of whores
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
