apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
