Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
