Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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