Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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