There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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