You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So much rum. So many feels.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
