If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
