Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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