That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize