I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
