yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
