Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize