I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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