i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
