I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
