Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
