I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
