If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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