dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
