Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
try to milk me bitch
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
