roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
