Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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