Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
