its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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