therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
