Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
