i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
