I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
