I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
