none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
