fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
