He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
