Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
