i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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