It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
