dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I am spending my child support on dildos
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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