I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
