hotel room ftw
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
