Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
