I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just forgot I was standing up.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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