thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
