We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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