It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
