You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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