idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
