I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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