It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
