i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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