Will you blow on my dice?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
