she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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