Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
