i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
