Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
