What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
