Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
