i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
