there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
