that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
