Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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