So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
