Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
