Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
