There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
