Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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