I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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