I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize