I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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