May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
