i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
