3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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