Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
