meet me or not, i'm out of control
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
