Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
