i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
