i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
handjob tips. give me some.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
