i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
