If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
vagina is talking i cant
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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