i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
