Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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