So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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