a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
