I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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