we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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