i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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