Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
