He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
